3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
