I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
