Rock
Scissors
Fuck
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
