it's too hot outside to masturbate.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
