they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
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