we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
