I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
