So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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