goodnight i made you a song goodbye
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
