Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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