he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
