We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
