My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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