i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
