Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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