So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
