I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I need water and some morals
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
