how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
