ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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