Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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