she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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