some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
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