I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Randomize
