Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
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