I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
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