dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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