if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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