I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
