the new term for farting is butt boxing.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
