No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
