i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
