oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
