No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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