I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
