You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Randomize
