there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
