you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
