He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
