There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I just gargled with NyQuil
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Randomize
