How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
