girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
