everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
