Having a random hookup so left but love u
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
