butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
