Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Randomize
