and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
do herpes really smell.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Randomize
