does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
