so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
