If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
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