I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
