I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
