2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
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