did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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