I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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