He is like the real live version of the state fair..
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Randomize
