Just mADE A PArabola og urine
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
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