Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
