How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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